i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
nutella sex= disaster
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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