glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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