The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
