went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
3pm strippers are depressing
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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