Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
