i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
