hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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