my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
