SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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