So drunk its hurt
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
