I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
