Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
