The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
