IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
