Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
