my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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