I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
sarcasm needs its own font
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
