Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
