I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
