his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
