Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
