did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
