I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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