The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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