just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize