Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
