i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
