Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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