i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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