I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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