I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize