I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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