The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
