I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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