I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
