Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
