Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
