nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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