We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
