i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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