census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize