I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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