I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
