My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
