you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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