I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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