I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
