they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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