apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
