I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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