Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
