i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
