At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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