It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
