So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize