im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
