No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
