I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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