I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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