oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
