I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
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I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Alive.
So much puke
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Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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