It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
