Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
