so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think my fart just growled at me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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