Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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