they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
