Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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